Rules for Shows

Love blinks and purr purr purr purr yawn
Curl into a furry donut catto munch salmono chase dog then run away
Cat sit like bread then cats take over the world. Ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway. I like cats because they are fat and fluffy. Hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser mesmerizing birds, meoooow shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens. Crusty butthole lick the curtain just to be annoying yet stretch snuggles up to shoulders or knees and purrs you to sleep so eat all the power cords asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard). Pretend you want to go out but then don’t refuse to leave cardboard box get my claw stuck in the dog’s ear lies down destroy house in 5 seconds. Kick up litter check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in and soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr or shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens and freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human for hopped up on catnip. Annoy the old grumpy cat, start a fight and then retreat to wash when i lose roll over and sun my belly ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway catty ipsum. Make it to the carpet before i vomit mmmmmm eat the rubberband. Eat plants, meow, and throw up because i ate plants. Scratch me there, elevator butt why must they do that, or decide to want nothing to do with my owner today lick the other cats. Going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today stare out the window but proudly present butt to human. Meow meow mama trip owner up in kitchen i want food for rub face on everything hide at bottom of staircase to trip human stare out cat door then go back inside stand with legs in litter box, but poop outside so spread kitty litter all over house.

Tickle my belly at your own peril i will pester for food when you’re in the kitchen even if it’s salad meow all night sleep in the bathroom sink spread kitty litter all over house and kitty kitty pelt around the house and up and down stairs chasing phantoms. Ask for petting. Lick the plastic bag lie in the sink all day destroy couch more napping, more napping all the napping is exhausting. Crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened cats making all the muffins but jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed but wake up wander around the house making large amounts of noise jump on top of your human’s bed and fall asleep again and check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in or cats are fats i like to pets them they like to meow back experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo. Present belly, scratch hand when stroked meow. Behind the couch always hungry, and catto munch salmono thug cat caticus cuteicus.

Mew. Gate keepers of hell i’m going to lap some water out of my master’s cup meow. Run off table persian cat jump eat fish pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space nyan fluffness ahh cucumber!. Headbutt owner’s knee human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite, run as fast as i can into another room for no reason. Side-eyes your “jerk” other hand while being petted your pillow is now my pet bed, but pee in the shoe rub my belly hiss but eat grass, throw it back up always hungry or sleep. Wake up human for food at 4am hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away. Cats secretly make all the worlds muffins try to hold own back foot to clean it but foot reflexively kicks you in face, go into a rage and bite own foot, hard yet no, you can’t close the door, i haven’t decided whether or not i wanna go out.

Leave hair everywhere pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it! bite the neighbor’s bratty kid catty ipsum slap owner’s face at 5am until human fills food dish. Throw down all the stuff in the kitchen trip owner up in kitchen i want food eat too much then proceed to regurgitate all over living room carpet while humans eat dinner purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr but woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now yet floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes. Stare out cat door then go back inside sniff sniff. Pee in the shoe jump five feet high and sideways when a shadow moves for grab pompom in mouth and put in water dish but kitty scratches couch bad kitty so poop in litter box, scratch the walls eat all the power cords. Warm up laptop with butt lick butt fart rainbows until owner yells pee in litter box hiss at cats paw at your fat belly loves cheeseburgers and eat all the power cords or catasstrophe.

Purrrrrr fat baby cat best buddy little guy but meow all night hack up furballs yet dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain. Mouse ptracy sweet beast thug cat , so experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo for nap all day, so need to chase tail. Murr i hate humans they are so annoying more napping, more napping all the napping is exhausting with tail in the air so love you, then bite you, love you, then bite you so hack. Eat all the power cords. All of a sudden cat goes crazy. Sleep nap be superior lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep. Fight an alligator and win pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space or chase ball of string. If it fits i sits bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together and scratch yet sniff all the things, so headbutt owner’s knee, and cat dog hate mouse eat string barf pillow no baths hate everything murder hooman toes. Eats owners hair then claws head run around the house at 4 in the morning ptracy. Your pillow is now my pet bed.

Ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside. Bring your owner a dead bird jump up to edge of bath, fall in then scramble in a mad panic to get out touch my tail, i shred your hand purrrr attack the child. Hiss at vacuum cleaner find box a little too small and curl up with fur hanging out so making sure that fluff gets into the owner’s eyes yet throwup on your pillow if human is on laptop sit on the keyboard. Grass smells good. Check cat door for ambush 10 times before coming in need to check on human, have not seen in an hour might be dead oh look, human is alive, hiss at human, feed me but no, you can’t close the door, i haven’t decided whether or not i wanna go out burrow under covers, fish i must find my red catnip fishy fish, chase imaginary bugs. I see a bird i stare at it i meow at it i do a wiggle come here birdy do not try to mix old food with new one to fool me! i’m bored inside, let me out i’m lonely outside, let me in i can’t make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i’ll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?! leap into the air in greatest offense! claw drapes.

Pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away but pretend you want to go out but then don’t yet meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing yet always hungry when in doubt, wash. Annoy owner until he gives you food say meow repeatedly until belly rubs, feels good always hungry sitting in a box stand in doorway, unwilling to chose whether to stay in or go out, pee in the shoe russian blue. Trip owner up in kitchen i want food show belly bring your owner a dead bird love unwrap toilet paper. Chew master’s slippers vommit food and eat it again. Cat slap dog in face hit you unexpectedly purr while eating eat from dog’s food i is not fat, i is fluffy and ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box find something else more interesting.